How to Support Someone Going Through IVF

Are you wondering how to support someone you love on their IVF journey? This complex and emotionally charged experience that so many couples these days are going through in their quest to start or expand their families is becoming more and more common. I never thought I would have first hand experience in this area, but who does? Through my fertility journey, I received a lot of amazing support but I also encountered some really unhelpful advice and comments. So how do you know what to say, and more importantly, what not to say? Keep reading to find out exactly what to do AND NOT DO from an infertility warrior.

1. Educate Yourself:

One of the first steps in supporting someone going through IVF is to educate yourself about the process.

DO: Understand the basics of IVF, including the various stages, potential challenges and common emotional and physical side effects. This knowledge will enable you to have informed, empathetic conversations with your loved one.

DON'T: Just make sure you don't act like you know more than they do- YOU DON'T. Trust me, if you haven't been through it personally (and even if you have, everyone is different) you have no clue.

2. Be a Good Listener:

IVF can be an emotional rollercoaster. Your loved one may experience feelings of anxiety, frustration, disappointment and even grief. Your role as a supportive friend or family member involves being a good listener.

DO: Create a safe space where they can openly express their thoughts and emotions without judgment. Sometimes, all they need is someone who will listen and provide a shoulder to lean on.

DON'T: Offer unsolicited advice or try to solve issues. Sometimes we just need to vent on our journey and we're not looking for answers. Please be careful about your words and think twice before you speak or offer an opinion.

3. Offer Practical Assistance:

IVF often requires a significant time commitment, including frequent doctor's appointments, medication schedules and lifestyle adjustments.

DO: Offer to help with practical tasks, such as driving to appointments, preparing meals or running errands. Your support in these daily activities can reduce the stress and burden on your loved one. It was especially helpful to have my husband's help with those (horrible) progesterone shots!

DON'T: Make empty offers of support. When you offer, be specific:

🚫 ”Let me know if you need anything.”

👍🏼 ”Can I bring you dinner tonight?”

4. Respect Their Privacy:

IVF can be a very personal and private journey. Respect your loved one's decision about how much they want to share with others. Some may be open about their experience, while others may prefer to keep it more discreet.

DO: Be sensitive to their wishes and never pressure them to share more than they are comfortable with.

DON'T: Talk about your loved one's experience with anyone, especially mutual friends or family members. It should go without saying, but do not post or talk about it on social media. It's not your journey to share.

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5. Be Mindful of Triggering Conversations:

Avoid making insensitive comments or asking well-intentioned but potentially hurtful questions about their fertility journey. 

DO: Listen. Let your loved one guide the conversation and be there to support their choices.

DON'T: Suggest alternative solutions or offer unsolicited advice. Keep your cousin's friend's sister's story of how she was trying for 2 years and then it, "just happened!" to yourself.

6. Celebrate Their Victories:

Celebrate the milestones and small victories along the way. If they achieve a positive pregnancy test or reach a particular stage of the IVF process, offer your congratulations and support. These moments can be incredibly meaningful, and your enthusiasm can boost their spirits.

DO: Send positive words or encouragement via text, phone, email or greeting card. Do a happy dance for them. Offer to bring over some healthy dinner to celebrate in person.

DON'T: Tell other people about it. It's not your place and even if they received a positive pregnancy test, there's still a very long road ahead. Respect their privacy and keep the news to yourself. 

7. Prepare for the Possibility of Setbacks:

IVF doesn't usually result in immediate success, although it can. More than likely, your loved one will hit some setbacks, failed attempts, or complications.

DO: Be prepared to support your loved one through these difficult moments. Offer your empathy, encouragement, and reassurance that you are there for them, no matter what.

DON'T: Say the words, "it will happen." Besides being unhelpful and defeating to hear, sadly, you don't know that and it's not a guarantee that IVF will work for them. 

8. Be Patient:

The IVF journey can be a lengthy one, filled with ups and downs. Patience is key.

DO: Understand that your loved one may have mood swings, emotional outbursts, or moments of withdrawal. Your consistent presence and understanding will be vital during these times.

DON'T: Tell them they are acting differently or experiencing things incorrectly due to their medications or hormones. Their feelings are valid regardless of any potential outside influences on them. 

9. Offer Emotional Support:

Encourage your loved one to seek professional emotional support, such as counseling or therapy if needed.

DO: Know that your support doesn't replace the expertise of mental health professionals but shows that you care about their well-being. Be supportive if they tell you they need a professional's guidance. You can even offer to help them find someone.

DON'T: Minimize their needs for help by blaming the process, their meds, or any other factors. If your loved one says they need help, honor that.

10. Send a thoughtful gift:

Sometimes the best way to let someone know you're thinking about them is with a meaningful gift. 

DO: Be selective and choose something that will bring hope and positivity.

DON'T: Choose anything related to a future baby yet, like a onesie or booties. These gifts may seem like they are sending the recipient good baby juju because it means you believe they will have a baby, it can actually do the opposite, by highlighting the absence of a baby that much more.

You might consider a piece of meaningful jewelry from our Support Infertility Awareness collection as the perfect way to let them know you care while also giving back to help others who cannot afford fertility treatments. Designed to bring hope and help ease the mental stresses of the journey, each necklace features an image of a healthy human embryo set under resin. Wear it as a touch stone to ground you on your journey, envision your future embryo and keep the faith.

We also offer custom embryo jewelry which can be an extremely meaningful way to commemorate the embabies that came to be and the ones that took the rainbow bridge to heaven. These pieces allow you to keep your embryos close and with you always. If you'd like to learn more, click here.

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Supporting someone through the IVF process can be challenging, but it's a meaningful and deeply compassionate gesture. Use these Do's & Don'ts to guide you on your role as a source of understanding, comfort and assistance to help make a significant difference in their journey. Remember, your unwavering support and love can provide strength to your loved one as they navigate the complexities of IVF and ultimately, it can help them on their path to creating the family they dream of. I've got my fingers, toes and eyes crossed for them too! Sending sticky vibes!!

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